I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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