so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
