well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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