you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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