i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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