I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
