I wanna passion pit in your ass
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
