apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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