he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
