i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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