Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize