hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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