her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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