OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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