he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
