see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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