a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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