and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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