OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
