Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
