bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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