he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
