if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
