i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
