I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
