Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
