Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I deserve this hangover.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
