I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize