You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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