I wish my penis had an off switch
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
