After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
