So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
