I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
