the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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