when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
