the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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