weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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