And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
