I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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