he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
