Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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