I wish my penis had an off switch
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
