i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
