I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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