Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
