I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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