I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
