Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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