he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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