Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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