I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
