My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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