True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize