I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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