its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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