If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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