Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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