I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
