it was like his penis was on wheels.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
