forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
