my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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