I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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