i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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