I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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