even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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