Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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