my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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