My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
