Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need water and some morals
I need to align my fucking chakras
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
