It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Randomize
